Facebook posts from not too long ago

Anybody that goes into a house like that deserves what they get! And then when they saw the bloody hand prints on the wall, they kept coming! Too easy. Kids these days! That video camera they left behind is pretty cool though. I captured a terrified Casper on tape the other night.  Not ghost material is you ask me.

Grandma passed out....

....when she saw us in the basement.

Now we don't know what to do.

Happy Halloween everyone!

If you go to the costume store now....

....you get to be the New Kids on the Block guys, Ernest or a mummy with the bottom part missing.

Just looked.

Gotta get there earlier!

(90% off! No returns though)

Mt. Everest now has Wi-Fi!

McDonald's said to be presently formulating a response.

Hey, they got market share to protect, you know!

Every stoner ever

"You know what is weird?"

Then describes something easily explainable.

Laptop driving

Posting while driving is really convenient.

You can d

Worst case scenario for a terrorist

Survive your attack with your groin fried and forever be known as "The Underpants Bomber".

Not optimal.

Greetings! My try first!

What are they occurs with bugs and whistles.

Never let Scientologists do it with tomorrow.

Lennon John desired rug burn.

(My Russian friend who told me blogging was easy. I let him try.)

She is converting to Amish!

Just in time!

It is probably right about time for Crystal's Rumpspringa anyway!

Right now, somewhere in America.....

....there is a woman out there who thinks she can change Charlie Sheen.*

*Actually I think Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan should just get together already. You know it is inevitable.

Message from the future

"Government was a mistake.

Anyway, here are the World Series winners for the next few years. Please send back half of your winnings in this capsule. Pull the string and move away fast!

If you do this, will send more tips.

Gold only please. Currency long gone.

XEFO"

Just got a box of beautiful styrofoam peanuts packaged in a broken bobblehead

I guess I should give the seller a "neutral" then right?

Oh wait!

Maybe the head is supposed to turn all the way around!

Forget it!

So Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife are divorcing

This is kind of hard to figure.

I mean if she stayed through the mullet years, the difficult part was over!

I understand that Bob Guccione and St. Peter are still talking

Apparently they have never seen a back-up of the line quite like this either.

Thank God it's Friday!

What a week!

Not at all a deterrent and/or an incentive

Sorry, ladies.

Why do they hate us?

Al Queda's new video says it is because of guys wearing scarves indoors.

While this is admittedly a ridiculous fashion trend, I say we hold firm.

Otherwise, the terrorists win.

(If we give in, next they are going to bitch about eyeliner on guys)

Against government?

Don't run for office!

Semi-psychotic behavior if you ask me.

Fiddler on the Roof playwright dies in a fall!

Not after a rain!

Wet shingles, you know!

Ever watch the Game Show Network?

If you watch closely enough, you might be able to catch Richard Dawson making out with your great aunt.

Separating the nerds from the nerds who can't spell

I consider myself a nerd so no outrage ok?

(I probably fall halfway between the spellers and the non-spellers)

The 50's weren't all "leave it to beaver" you know

They could get freaky!

The 60's too!

Don't be fooled.

I bet Brett Favre "fake-sicked" a lot at school

Interception! - "My arm hurts. See, I am rubbing it after every pass."

Touchdown! - "I am awesome! Look at me!"

Interception! - "My ankle hurts. I don't know if I can play next week. I might try to."

I am really good at taking a few bites of food before realizing that people are going to pray before eating

One of my strengths really.

They really should start that sooner though!

Years ago in another life....

....our group got kicked out of a Waffle House for bringing a beer in.

Ummmm, you're the freaking Waffle House.

Get over yourself already!

Facebook postings from the past

You never see adults because there aren't any. None in the whole town actually. Remember when Lucy rescued Linus in the pumpkin patch in the middle of the night? We kids do that! No police either. Never been a problem; except when the gypsies came. Lucy ran them off. They won't be back. Trust me.

The guy in the tree is not gonna give up

I don't see him accepting "third-wheel" status much longer.

We already know how to make borchst!

Go back to that semi-coherent guy!

I heard Ginni Thomas also called Dustin Hoffman demanding an apology for Ishtar!

Let it go already lady!

Surely Tootsie made up for it!

We are having a Halloween Costume Contest at the office!

"Please remember that your costume should be appropriate for the workplace and should not interfere with your ability to perform your job function. Costumes should not be revealing, gory, excessively violent in nature, or demeaning, offensive or belittling to a particular person or group."

Aw, who cares then ?!

Forget it!

Death metal concert cancelled without notice

Dropped off so now waiting for a ride home.

This one Amish guy turned his head the wrong way and almost had a heart attack.

If punches in "real boxing" sounded like they do in the Rocky movies....

....boxing would be A LOT more popular.

If you send me a super-long email with no paragraph breaks....

....well let's just say we are not going to be friends.

I bet the meeting to determine who wore the pink jacket didn't last long

As long as it took to say "Ringo".

"Hi Anita"

"Just calling to give you an opportunity to apologize for my husband sexually harassing you 25 years ago.

Extending an olive branch here.

Just among us girls.

Ginnie"

I really wonder what the condition of her liquor cabinet was that night.

Christine O'Donnell keeps denying that she is a witch

But isn't that exactly what a witch would say?

Be careful here!*

*The election? That is over. Once you have to deny that you are a witch, it is all over but the screamin' and the shoutin'.

"An educational show for the entire family!"

When I was a kid, I went to the circus with "the entire family" and watched the sword swallower.

Pretty entertaining.

Didn't really learn anything. Well nothing that stuck with me anyway.

Still don't know how they do that though.

I was very moved....

....by your shove.

Not very subtle though.

If only I knew the "real me"

I don't need any help either; professional or otherwise.

Clarity just around the corner.

I think.