I never "Send Error Report"

Don't wanna get anybody fired, you know.

Johnny Cash

Born on today's date, Johnny Cash.

"Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight."

I think Gaddafi's only chance to get out is to buy a guitar....

....claim to be Ritchie Blackmore and fly off to a Deep Purple or Rainbow gig.

Open to any other suggestions though.

If you don't have a Charlie Sheen post up now....

....you don't like traffic on your site.

"Vatican Assassin Warlocks!"

His apocalypse is now!

That said, his rants are still closer to the real National Anthem than what Christian Aguilera was doing.

When that white guy with the dreadlocks showed up....

....everybody felt a little better about themselves.

And nobody wanted him to leave either!

For once in my naked-in-public dreams....

....I just want to be able to strut around confidently without a care.

Not this running from tree to tree stuff.

I'm gonna take a break from learning from my mistakes

Gonna live dangerously for a while.

Next week, I'll go back.

Carrot Top

Born on today's date, Carrot Top.

"I think over the years, I've evolved."

Did it first!

Gadaffi falsely links his enemies to Bin Laden and Al Qaeda.

"Be more original, ya kook!"

How did they make all the highways connect?

What were the odds?

George Thorogood

Born on today's date, George Thorogood.

"I come home one Friday,
Had to tell the landlady I'd a lost my job,
She said that don't confront me,
Long as I get my money Friday,
Now next Friday came and I didn't get the rent,
And out the door I went."

Don't say the greatest moment of your life was the birth of your kids!

Remember all the blood?

Michelle Shocked

Born on today's date, Michelle Shocked.

"Music is too important to leave to the professionals."

Hey attractive people!

Great work you're doing out there!

What would we do without you?

Keep it up!

Not ignoring you!

I'm prioritizing you!

It's a step up, you know.

Euro Disney

Does Snow White chain-smoke over there?

The whole continent is covered with a big nicotine cloud, right?

As far as air travel, does radar even work there?

How do they land planes?

Peter Fonda

Born on today's date, Peter Fonda.

"I don't trust anybody who didn't inhale."

Hey people protesting in this country I have run for 40 years without complaint!

FORGET YOU MAN!

Make up your minds!

Worse than people who leave facebook "for good" and then come back!

But a lot of people do stuff without thinking

LIKE A LOT!

This spot is for them.

Yeah, I wanna be poked on facebook

So meaningful!

Those Winklevoss guys say Zuckerberg stole everything from them.

EXCEPT THAT!

Andy Warhol

On this date in 1987, Andy Warhol passed away at age 58.

"An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need."

Does the government "back up" the entire internet?

What if we lose all that data?

Is it printed out somewhere? Like in the back of Fort Knox or somethin'?

Please put my mind at ease!

There are scores from fantasy sports leagues on there!

He won't leave!

And his stub is infected!

There is some law that says we can't make a taxpayer leave a state park so we just made a warning sign.

You know, as a warning.

(You should have seen the look on the faces of those Amazing Race people that stopped there thinking that was their clue box!)

Otherwise you are paying!

Cash only too!

This is a business, you know.

Erma Bombeck

Born on today's date, Erma Bombeck.

"Never accept a drink from a urologist."

Hey cowboys!

You don't have to "hang 'em high".

Just high enough so their feet don't touch the ground.

You're just showing off!

By the way, let's see your teeth.

So the National Christmas Tree was blown down and destroyed?!

The "War on Christmas" never ends!

Bill O'Reilly was right!

Facebook post from yesterday

Pot ain't no gateway drug. I started with mounds of cocaine.

Charles Barkley

Born on today's date, Charles Barkley.

"I would never buy a girl a watch. She already has a clock over the stove."

I always make it a point to ask male flight attendants....

...what they did to get demoted from pilot.

Hey, is it illegal for them to charge me more for a Dr. Pepper than everybody else?

One good thing about being a loser

You never have to mute your cell phone in theaters.

One less thing to worry about!

French kids had the flag lady

We had to settle for National Geographic.

No wonder they are so smug!

Anybody miss that Municipal Building 1950's font?

Not me.

Too much "Leave it to Beaver".

Not enough "Sex Pistols".

The order that I list people on an email....

....is the order that I would save them from a sinking ship.

They just don't know that.

Gotta put 'em in some type of order! Alphabetical is boring!

Can't we all just get along?

She's lying!

Grandma was not born with that tramp stamp!

God don't make 'em like that!

Keep pressing her!*

*Grandpa can only say "He didn't know her then".

Yoko Ono

Born on today's date, Yoko Ono.

"At least I had that one guy that understood me."

This Bahrain violence is a little hard to figure

Why attack Atari?

Not getting it!

Nevada prison authorities deny O.J.'s claim that he was beaten

"But if he was beaten, this is how it went down."

Billie Joe Armstrong

Born on today's date, Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.

"I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today."

Don't lightly knock on the door!

That's creepy!

Ring the doorbell already!

Even kick the door if necessary......BUT DON'T LIGHTLY KNOCK ON IT!

Even a walrus knows better.