I dvr'd the Pro Bowl

Nobody tell me who won, ok?

Oh, nobody knows?

Cool, I'm in the clear.

They should serve pizza or something!

Wow, the forescast is for 10-15 inches of snow tomorrow night!

NO, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT A PARTY AT CHARLIE SHEEN'S HOUSE!

This isn't TMZ, you know.

I am talking about outside; in Michigan.

Both can cause rehab though I guess.

Hey, let's give mean people a break!

Other people suck too!

Did you know that the New Kids on the Block never officially disbanded?

Johnny Rotten

Born on today's date, Johnny Rotten.

"I'm not here for your amusement. You're here for mine."

Next conversation with a passive-aggressive person?

Interrupt it and ask, "Who's winning?"

Confession!

I do some of my worst driving around gas pumps!

And no they don't explode like in the movies.

Well at least from what I could see in my rear-view mirror.

Franklin Roosevelt

Born on today's date, Franklin Roosevelt.

"I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made."

Facebook posts from not too long ago

People tell me these tights and horns look ridiculous but I wouldn't know being blind and all. I hear Electro looks even more hideous but again I wouldn't know.

Having worked in "maintenance" when I was young....

....I can tell you nothing exciting ever happens in an elevator shaft.

Hollywood is full of it.

The guy who came up with the phrase "knuckle sandwich"....

....should be in some type of Hall of Fame; and his home should be a historical landmark or something.

We should cherish our national treasures.

I hope he didn't die penniless or anything.

That would be a travesty.

George Burns

Born on today's date, George Burns.

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

Hey, meet me at the Back Fence!

It's at Thompson and Bleeker. You can't miss it.

No, it's not very big but you will see it.

Well actually I am standing outside in front of it right now and the name "Back Fence" is on the building like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.....EIGHT times.

Again, you can't miss it.

We'll talk about this iguana problem you got.

Would send to boringpostcards.com if the site existed

And what do you do for a living sir?

I see that you left that line blank.

Charlie Sheen rushed to the hospital with abdominal pains!

Quick! What venereal disease has abdominal pain symptoms?

Or are they going to go with that allergy thing again?

Official State Gun

I see the Utah legislature is considering a bill to have an official state gun.

Hmmmm.

Well if criminals have to share the same gun, the crime rate will no doubt go down.*

Let's do this thing!

*On the other hand, we know that only the person who has the "Key to the City" can legally enter City Hall and that really hasn't stopped petty theft there.

New medical diagnosis

"Fear of inappropriate ad placement"

Keith Olbermann

Born on today's date, Keith Olbermann.

"I fired him. He's crazy." - Rupert Murdoch

The wiring in that Ohio tanning salon....

seems WAY off!

The dude "outpigmented" Obama.

Makes me want to pick up a rotisserie chicken on the way home!

Let's hang out sometime

Waste some potential.

The very best doctors fold their arms, you know

Doesn't matter their degrees or where they went to school.

The VERY best doctors cross their arms and know how to look authoritative and reassuring.

Heaven forbid, if I saw my doctor in a picture looking confused or befuddled, I would make an immediate change to a "crossed arms" doctor.

Nothing but the best.

Suleman octuplets

Born on today's date, the Suleman octuplets.

I see that Nadya Suleman has sought a trademark for the word "Octomom".

Of course, the kids probably should seek a trademark for the phrase "Somebody please help us!"

I just love it when people on facebook...

....say that they just like to "have fun".

How unique!

Way to stand out!

Learned so much about you!

Hooray!

Howard the Duck is on!

(Just wanted to say something that nobody has ever said before)

Bill O'Reilly is SO tolerant!

(Ok, I will quit)

Fox Sports Chairman David Hill says NASCAR races should be shorter

The Daytona 5?

I would watch!

Ok, nobody gets hurt and all but....

Joe Strummer

Born on today's date, Joe Strummer.

"I want to grow up with my audience. I don't expect to be getting through to the younger pop crowd. I learned that from Paul Simon."

RIP

I have a brother who, to put it mildly, is not very "worldly"*

Every Thanksgiving, we end up watching a football game together.

Questions he would have asked if we were watching the playoff games Sunday:

1. Does the loser like get "knocked out"?
2. Four downs for a touchdown right?
3. Is the Super Bowl the highest?
4. Well what about those other bowls?
5. Is this game sold out?
6. I still don't get this fantasy football stuff. How does it affect the final standings?
7. Can you go back in after you have left the game?
8. What is facebook again?

Great guy and I love him and all but...

My two young sons (people of this world) are amazed!

*Don't worry. He doesn't read this blog. The internet just has stuff that is in books, you know. He might get an email account though.

I think Jack LaLanne's death....

....is a CLEAR rebuke to his so-called "healthy living" philosophy.

I don't care that he was 96 years old.

He's dead, isn't he?

What a scammer!

Look, there are like some 110 year old women living in the Himalayans who never exercised a day in their lives. And they got older sisters!

Apply some logic people!

How much ice cream do you have to eat....

....before it is officially a meal?

Not asking for me.

If we had to pay "cash" for wars....

....you know like "pay as you go"; not like on "credit" how it's usually done....

Wouldn't be any.

John Belushi

Born on today's date, John Belushi.

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

Oprah's big secret

Can't read.

Book Club is a fraud.

Mostly played Crazy Taxi while supposedly reading those books.

Stock market may be vulnerable tomorrow.

If you legally change your name to "Spontaneous"....

....you're not.

You gotta plan that.

The key to happiness

You can forget about all that philosophical and new age mumbo-jumbo.

Just don't share stuff with people.

Facebook posts from the past

Went to a band audition today. The guys could play but they were seriously talking about wearing face paint like clowns and wearing costumes. What a joke! It would never work! I turned them down. Can't be wasting my time on stuff like this!

Bridget: Ha ha! You don't need these losers! Follow your dreams!
Gunner: Right move dude! Hey can play for our house party this weekend? We can't pay you but you can hit the keg every now and then. Let me know. 

Salvadore Dali

On today's date in 1989, Salvadore Dali passed away at age 84.

"I don't do drugs. I am drugs."