At the mall today

Needed just one item that I thought would be only there.

Parking lot absolutely jammed. No available spots anywhere near the mall that I can see. Did NOT anticipate this.

Normally not a problem but it was pouring rain.

Then it hit me.

Park near Sears!

Short walk.

Never fails!*

*Can't think of that without thinking of Peter Frampton. Sorry.

I bet Hands Across America would have worked....

....if it was a better idea.

(Were the 80's the glory years for shorts, or what?)

That is the same moon that Osama bin Laden is looking at, you know

Just sayin'.

Reefer brawls!

Those were the days!

Hello Drs. Alzhemier, Parkinson and Addison!

If you would stop inventing new diseases, maybe we would be all a little healthier!

Ever heard of the Hippocratic Oath, "First do no harm"?

Smart people!

Thanks for inventing and building stuff!

It's been a huge help!

Well it seems pretty obvious that Obama had Michael Vick in a keeper league

The league commissioner really should look into this "calling NFL owners about your players" thing.

Probably need put a "hold" on the money too.

Obama will show his birth certificate if....

....each of them show a high school equivalency certificate.

Gotta be notarized. No copies either.

Why do stuff....

....when you can just watch people on tv do it better?

Used the automatic hand dryer over the hand towels yesterday

Hey, I had an extra twenty minutes!

I wonder what Dr. Laura is doing for Kwanzaa

I knew I was getting pretty successful....

....when I got past the "putting $5 in the gas tank" stage.

Before this, as far as "vacations", I couldn't even take "one tank trips".

Good thing my local park had a picnic table.

Please!

Can Ben Stiller's next movie be "All the Fockers Die*?"

*The non-literal version of course

My family certainly has issues....

....but I don't have a younger uncle.

Give us that at least!

Cops don't get it!

Since when is "Black Betty came on the radio" not an excuse for speeding?

Is Facebook making us smarter?

Well, I know when an elementary school classmate has a sinus infection.

So, yeah!

A snow game in Philly two days after Christmas?

Think anybody will reference the 40 year old story of Philly fans throwing snowballs at Santa?

Nah!

I try to be patient....

....but then there are people.

I might ignore a guy getting stabbed.....

....if I have a good Galaga game going.

Back in a few days*

No broken stuff when I get back, ok?

*Weather wreaked havoc and cancelled our flight and trip so I am "back". "Unfortunately", daily continuous posting streak remains intact. (for now)

So hate groups are boycotting the new movie "Thor" because a black actor plays a Norse god

What do they want?

We let a white guy play Jesus all these years!

Merry Christmas all!

The Wisdom of Little Louis

"I don't like that wine at church. At the start, it's kind of minty but at the end, it stings and blasts you.

They should just use apple juice."

Even his cousins tolerate him.

Run out of tinsel?

One yank at the back of the head will do.

Payback for Meet the Fockers.

If I get thrown in jail....

....I don't have to mess with Christmas.

Thinking about it.

When Linus explained the true meaning of Christmas....

....some that did realize he was simply quoting the bible, rolled their eyes and said, "Yeah, just like the Great Pumpkin!"

It followed him forever.

He even had to explain it away in job interviews.

Visit people once a year

In and out quickly.

He's got the right idea there.

Just rub it in, why don't ya!

Going to be flying in a few days

Let me tell you. There is nobody that can spot ball fields from an airplane better than me.

It is something I really excel at.

The plane can't get too high though.

Why doesn't White Castle sponsor a bowl game?

Insert the White Castle logo in place of the Little Caesars one.

Why not?

Less gaudy.

You would still have the "subliminal advertising" thing going on for the captive audience at the stadium who will eventually get hungry.

Well now that I think about it, unless you put an armed robber* in the logo, people just wouldn't find it realistic.

Ok, forget it.

*The only place I go to (very) occasionally where it feels like an armed robbery is imminent. Crooks should really try other places. At least they would have the element of surprise.

So we get four more people from Texas representing the United States government?

How so?!

Ever been to West Texas past Odessa? Don't bother! Nothing there!

Ever seen "The Rookie"? They played baseball in a dustbowl almost completely devoid of people! Grass didn't even grow in that part of Texas! The infield was giving like 20 bad hops a game!

What were the census people counting out there? Tumbleweeds? Jackalopes? Area 51 has more people and you don't see Nevada bumping up their population total!

Unless they can produce some real genuine people out there, we should sue and contest this and tie this up for years.

Cheaters!

Happy Birthday to Rick Nielsen!

Yeah, the Cheap Trick guy!

I see your longneck and I raise you four!

My wish for Christmas....

....is that all people will put down their guns and join together in peaceful harmony.

That or an iPad.

Another cast member injured at the Spider Man Musical

This one fell thirty feet into the orchestra pit near the end of the show. This was apparently the fourth injury to a cast member in three weeks.

Ok, so they have some technical glitches to work out.

There is one technical glitch they REALLY need to work out though.

"IT'S A MUSICAL ABOUT SPIDER-MAN!"

Interim photo

After the paternity test confirmation, he gets in the photo for real.

Can't wait until we can say....

...."See you next year!" at the office.

That's always a riot!

We really know how to let our hair down here!

If North Carolinians had enough ingenuity to make artificial trees....

....they wouldn't have this problem.

Just sayin'.

Hey, there is a total eclipse of the moon tonight!

I am watching!

You just know Bonnie Tyler is too.

"Forever's gonna start tonight!"